


I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

by duderanch



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Very much based on that one scene in the gay and wonderous life of caleb gallo, anyway enjoy some real bro(job) times no homo, kinda heavy on the dialogue, somewhat lifted from the show, totally hetero dick compliments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duderanch/pseuds/duderanch
Summary: "Not to brag, man, but she was totally in love with my penis.""Yeah? You got a nice dick, bro?"





	I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

Mac had been lying on the couch, bottle of tequila in one hand and the other flung above his head when he heard the key turning in the door. It was late, or early, and Dennis was just now getting back from his date with some actress he had met at the Wawa a few weeks ago. If Mac knew Dennis well, and he certainly did, he knew that there would be some considerable gloating; he had been chasing this girl for weeks and clearly he had only just now succeeded. Mac pushed himself up, almost bracing himself.

"Oh, Mac, I didn't- didn't expect you too be up- this late. Y-you good?"

If it hadn't been for the half bottle of tequila Mac might've commented on how Dennis seemed to be slurring his words and stumbling as he went over to his door, reaching up to hang on the doorframe. He /had/ had that half a bottle of tequila though, on top of however many beers previous, so it remained unmentioned.

"Yeah, dude. I- I was just waiting for you. How'd it go?"

Dennis grinned smugly, looking Mac up and down and then looking around the room. He couldn't help but grin along with him, his energy was contagious. Maybe it was the booze or the getting laid or a mix of the both but it been awhile since Mac had seen him this happy.

"I banged her."

Dennis' grin turned into a smug chuckle, swinging back and forth on the top of the door frame. Mac couldn't help the quick glance up and down his body as he gloated to himself; all his thoughts and urges became a lot harder to contain when he was drunk and there was no barrier to stop the flood of images that came to mind at that claim.

"You banged her?"

"Yeah, yeah I did. I banged her."

Mac paused for a moment to take another gulp of tequila, putting the bottle down on the floor and sitting up more. 

"Bro, /nice/. W-was it awesome?"

"It /was/ awesome and... well, not to brag, man, but she was totally in love with my penis."

Now that caught Mac's attention, his head snapping up from the floor, eyebrow raised. His vision was blurry from the quick movements but he focused in on Dennis standing there, half smirk forming on his lips.

"Yeah? You got a nice dick, bro?"

Dennis cocked his head to the side, frowning at him for a moment. Well, it was more of a bleary eyed squint but all the same.

"You know I have a nice dick, Mac. You've seen my dick- many times."

It was true Mac had seen Dennis' dick a bunch of times before but he had never truly got a good look at it. Of course there was no reason for him to want to get a good look at Dennis' dick but even so, there was some principal point to be made. Mac was his best friend, his blood brother, it was almost /odd/ that he hadn't seen it properly before. Surely thats what friends did, right?

'Its not like I've seen Charlie's dick before though...'

"Yeah, only like... a few times. And your sex tapes are all- ass, dude. You cant even see the dick."

"You cant?"

The hint of confusion in Dennis' face had been replaced by something almost unreadable. Usually Mac was able to tell just what he was thinking but now he couldn't be sure. He was probably just thinking about his dick really, but even so.

"You cant..."

Mac took a moment to consider his next question before asking it, concerned about the possible answers he would receive. Of course he did only take a moment to consider this so he asked anyway without much thought into said answers.

"So how big is it?"

"How big is what?"

"/Your head/, come on. How bigs your dick, bro?"

Mac chuckled, sitting up a little straighter. He wasn't sure how the conversation had got onto this but now he was actually interested to find out. There was nothing wrong with asking that, there wasn't gonna be any divine intervention from Dennis telling him how big his dick was.

"7 inches."

He stated, still grinning smugly.

"For real? Mine too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, dude, 7 inches."

Dennis' mouth opened, then closed it, waging his finger at Mac as he tried to find his words.

"A- actually. Yeah. I knew it- I knew- we'd have similarly sized dicks."

Mac bit his lip, pushing himself up off the couch and walking over to the arm that was closest to Dennis. He couldn't help but glance down at Dennis' crotch again as he moved, strangely curious about the whole thing now. It couldn't be that weird that he was thinking about it, they were talking about their dicks, but Mac felt his pulse spike and his chest become a little tighter than before.

A moment of silence fell upon them and when Mac looked up he caught Dennis looking at the exact same place on his own body. He must've flinched or something because a moment later Dennis was glancing back up, still smiling.

"Do you really think they're the same size?"

"I know they're the same size, bro. You just said..."

Mac's voice trailed off again, another moment passing before Dennis bit his lip, looking at him carefully. Whatever he was thinking about was giving Mac a fluttering feeling in his stomach, and he didn't even know what it was.

"You know, Mac, I don't- think I've ever /seen/ your dick. "

"You haven't?"

He frowned at him, not breaking eye contact. Mac was pretty sure Dennis had seen it, numerous times in fact, but he was also interested in seeing where this was going. He was happy to just follow Dennis on this for now, there was nothing better to do.

"Maybe like... when you were peeing or something? Not- not like for real."

"I've never seen your dick for real either."

"I know. Thats what I'm saying."

"Wait- what are you saying?"

Dennis gave Mac a look and all at once he both didn't and did understand what he was getting at. It didn't make much sense but then again, there was no harm in it? It was just... curiosity. Blood brother stuff. Nothing wrong with that?

"Do you... wanna see it then?"

Dennis paused for a moment, exercising a mock sort of restraint. It was a power play, Mac was drunk and he could see that. But he was drunk, so it didn't quite catch on. After what felt like a good 30 seconds at least Dennis nodded, licking his lips quickly.

"Yeah, sure."

'Well, not much more to do but just... whip it out I guess.'

Mac didn't, however, just whip it out; he stood up first, wiping his palms on his jeans. All of a sudden nervousness came over him, dryness in his mouth and his heart in his throat. What if his dick was weird and no one had told him till now? What if Dennis laughed? What if he got hard by Dennis just looking at it?

'Why would that happen?'

He stopped, taking a breath. 

"Alright... kinda gay but if y-you wanna see it that bad..."

His hands went down to his fly, unpicking the button and pulling down his fly. Should he pull everything down or just pull it out as it is? Which would be weirder?

Mac opted for a 3rd option, pulling his jeans halfway down his ass before doing the same with his boxers. And just like that it was out, Mac finding himself shiver from the hit of cold air. Dennis, after a few moments of silent staring, broke the tense silence.

"I- I was right, we do have the same sized dick. A-although... yours is- thicker than mine. Its- its like... you got a big dick, man. Good one."

"Really? Thanks, bro. T-thats real nice of you."

Another beat, neither of their eyes moved away from their position. Mac was starting to feel more and more exposed the longer Dennis just looked at him, silently just taking him in. He didn't like the power Dennis seemed to have over him at the present; he wanted them to be on a level playing field. 

"So um... just standing h-here with my dick out, huh."

"You sure are."

Dennis' voice was smooth and low, eyes flicking up momentarily as he spoke. Mac would've preferred if he just looked away all together, shifted uncomfortably.

"G-good thing I'm drunk, huh?"

"I guess so, yeah..."

Enough was now becoming enough, Mac wasn't enjoying standing here all vulnerable and exposed while Dennis was able to just look at him like that. What even was that? It was making him uncomfortable.

Mac glanced down at Dennis' crotch when he caught his eye, nodding at him slowly. It didn't seem to click right away but after a second the shot fired.

"Oh you want to- yeah, yeah thats fair enough."

Just like that Dennis started messing around with his fly and found himself entirely powerless to look away from him. He was transfixed almost instantly, holding his breath in a state of suspense until Dennis' fingers reached the waist band of his briefs. 

"Y-you're standing there- like I'm not gonna... but I am..."

His fingers hovered, momentarily, before finding their grip and pulling the fabric down, Mac chest feeling incredibly tight all of a sudden. 

"Oh wow. That- its definitely... um..."

Mac found himself entirely lost in thought then, eyes taking in every inch. It was... nicer than he was expecting; if dicks could be pretty he'd probably say that Dennis' was pretty. That did sound incredibly gay but that was- that wasn't the point.

Dennis' voice cut through the background noise like a warm knife to butter, waking Mac up with a jolt.

"What ya thinking about, buddy?"

"Nothing."

Mac retorted quickly, not wanting to talk about whatever that had been. A momentary slip, nothing else to it. Dennis didn't need to know his every steaming drunk, stupid thought.

"Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Well... If you are thinking about something... and you're thinking of /doing something/... then you should  
probably do it."

Mac frowned, thinking about what the hell that was suppose to mean. What, could Dennis read minds now? Did he know exactly what Mac was thinking now? Did he somehow know something about him so deeply buried inside him that he couldn't even acknowledge it without the aid of alcohol? It couldn't be that easy for him to figure out, Mac hadn't even realised until recently. 

"You think thats a good idea?"

They were on the same page, Mac was sure of it. There was a look in Dennis' eyes, a glint of mutual understanding between them both. Part of him, the sensible part, hoped he was completely misjudging the situation and therefore wouldn't actually go through with his thoughts, although the tequila was urging him to do it regardless. Even so, his intentions must've been crystal clear because Mac could see Dennis slowly getting hard, a display of complete or lack of control.

"I think whatever you think is a good idea... is a good idea."

"That makes a lot of sense actually, Dennis. Y-you're right... uh..."

-

A ringing in his pocket pulled Mac back into reality, glancing up at Dennis before sitting back on his heels and scrambling around for his phone. Dennis made a series of offended noises to match the look on his face, cursing whoever was calling under his breath while stepping back. His jeans were around his ankles and the briefs weren't far behind but he made no move to fix them yet, almost as if expecting Mac to ignore the call. Maybe he should ignore the call.

"Its Charlie."

"So? Just leave it."

"What if... he's like in a jam or something?"

"Who cares? I think theres slightly more pressing issues for you too take care of-"

Mac answered the phone before Dennis could say much more, rolling his eyes as he stood and sat on the arm of the couch. He still wasn't entirely sure how that had just happened but he was in no mind to think about it right away; Charlie was a welcome distraction from the expected shitstorm to come. Then again, his timing wasn't great.

"Hey, Charlie-boy! Whats up?"

It turned out that Frank had ran out in the middle of a game of nightcrawlers and Charlie just wanted to know if he turned up at their apartment. He quickly told him no, hoping that would be the end of this pointless conversation, but unfortunately that wasn't the case.

"Look, bro, I don't really care about whatever domestic shit you and Frank are going through. Frankly, the way you two live is very strange... Well, yes I am going to hang up, Charlie. No- good bye- bye."

He flipped his phone shut, tossing it on the couch behind him and looking at the ground for a few long moments. The room was completely silent bar the sound of slow breathing; Mac taking the courage to glance up at Dennis momentarily. He was dressed again, hanging off the top of the doorframe and staring blankly at the chairs. Mac wanted to say the first words, he wanted to have the guts to break the silence, but no words formed and his mind remained blank. 

After a minute, Dennis took it upon himself to break the tension for the both of them. 

"I'm... probably gonna head to bed now, bro."

Mac nodded, looking up at him almost sorrowfully. He could punish himself for this later; despite the influence of alcohol his actions still counted in the eyes of the Lord. He told himself before that it didn't but it wasn't true.

Dennis dropped his arms, scratching the back of his neck and turning to go into his room. He paused before the door was shut, turning back around with the same smug look from earlier on his face. Mac didn't know what else there was too add but he was intrigued by whatever this was, eyes glued to Dennis in suspended anticipation. 

"Are you coming then?"

A beat. Mac considered the idea of just feeling bad about all of this in the morning and then stood up. 

"Yeah, sure."


End file.
